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"Blonde Convention"
80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "BlondesAreNot Stupid Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcastmedia here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?". Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
Parfum?"
Two blondes walk up to a perfume counter. The first one picks up a sample bottle, sprays it on her wrist, smells it, and says, "That's nice, don't you think, Tracy?"
Tracy says, "Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?"
Sharon says, "Viens a moi."
Tracy says, "Viens a moi? What's that mean?"
The store clerk says, "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'Come to me.'"
Sharon takes another sniff and says:
"That doesn't smell like come to me. Does it smell like cum to you?"
"So Blonde That.."
So Blonde that . . .
1) ...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
2) ...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
3) ...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
4) ...she tripped over a cordless phone.
5) ...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here" she put "Sagittarius"
6) ...it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
7) ...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
8) ...she studied for a blood test - and failed.
9) ...when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
10) ...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
Q .. How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A .. Knock on the door.
Q .. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A .. The instructions stated, " up to 20 pounds".
Q .. What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A .. A blonde at a blinking red light.
Q .. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A .. A blonde parade.
Q .. What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A .. They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q .. What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
A .. Third grade.
Q .. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A .. You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q .. How to you keep a blonde busy all day?
A .. Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q .. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A .. Run! She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q .. How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A .. I'll tell you tomorrow.
Q .. Why can't the blonde make ice cubes?
A .. She lost the recipe.
Q .. How do you hit a blonde so she will never know it?
A .. With a thought.
Q .. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A .. The noise gave her a headache.
Q .. How does a blond know if she's on her way home or on her way to work?
A .. She opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it.
Q .. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A .. Perri-air.
Q .. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A .. Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q .. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A .. When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q .. Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A .. She missed.
Q .. What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A .. Data transfer.
Q .. What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A .. The back of her head.
Q .. What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A .. Artificial intelligence.
Q .. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A .. Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q .. What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A .. They're both empty from the neck up.
Q .. What does a blonde owl say?
A .. What, what?
Q .. What's the Blonde's cheer?
A .. " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q .. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A .. To see what was on the other side.
Q .. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A .. From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".
Q .. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A .. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q .. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A .. She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
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